A birth announcement

I have finally finished the first version of your birth announcement. I have been fretting and procrastinating for nearly 7 months. I have so many ideas for this, AND I simply cannot pick one design only. So, there will be several. This is the first in the series.

Love,
Mom

Those darn teeth!

I think your gums are really starting to bother you now. For the past few days, starting at around 2pm you get really fussy and uncomfortable. This lasts until bedtime. You are also chomping away on your hands like no tomorrow! Tonight I gave you a little bit of tylenol which seemed to help and you took a short nap, which threw off your sleeping schedule. You have finally just conked out, it's about 10:30 pm, and you're in bed with me now. After your nap earlier and a bottle, you played in your crib for the longest time. Looking in your mirror and scooting around in circles with your pushing toes. You got really quiet at one point and I thought maybe you had fallen asleep so I peeked in. I noticed your feet moving, and then realized your head was completely covered with a green blanket I had hung on the side of the crib. After rushing over I realized that you were camping out under there, chewing on the blanket. All smiles. Ohhhh, Pella. Mom is very tired today and secretly very glad that you are sleeping with me tonight. I better get to sleep too, because no matter how late you go to bed at night you always wake up by 6am. You're going to make a morning person out of me yet!

Some delicous Ella Art

A new artistic photo done in photoshop by your tired momma!

Two peas in a pod

This is one of my very favorite pictures. I just can't get over your little face. Looking just like Dad. You are almost 4 months old here.

Fourth month milestones

There are so many new developments this month, It’s hard to keep track of them all!

New favorite nicknames are nella bella, panky spanky, pella schmella, and monkey.

We have been listening to music and singing songs that I used to like as a little, like "Down by the Bay" and "I like to eat apples and bananas".

When you were about 2.5 months you stopped breastfeeding, and I mourned the loss of this closeness, but respected that this was what you wanted. Every time I tried to breastfeed you, you would throw a big crying fit. So, we moved on to just bottle feeding the formula and since then you have been thriving.

You are eating between 32 and 40 ounces a day! We are going through the formula like wildfire. We are almost ready to try solid foods, and I’m so excited.

The other day you sat in your booster seat for the first time and played with your toys. We will use this as a high chair, and use the special plates that Grandma Janine brought you from Hawaii.

At your 4 month checkup you weighed 15 1bs and were in the 95^th percentile for height, which means you are very tall. Just like your Dad. You had your vaccinations as well and only cried for a few minutes.

You are already wearing a size 3 diaper and are as tall as most 7 month old babies.

During this month you also started sleeping really well through the night. Going to bed every night around 7pm and only waking up once or twice for the pacifier. After I give you your pacifier you go right back to sleep. You wake up at around 6:30 am or 7 am and are a hungry girl!

Now every time you have a bottle or are going to sleep, even when napping in the swing, you put your hands behind your head like you are floating in the pool getting some sun. This is your relaxing position. Also, when you are trying to get to sleep you like to have a blanket right up next to your face. This always seems to make you feel very sleepy and cozy.

You now recognize your bottle and when you are really hungry you try to grab it and open your mouth really wide and bob your head, trying to get the bottle. Pretty soon you will be able to hold it on your own. You are so smart.

This month you also started to grab for things in front of you. I have some rattle stuffed toys hanging from your car seat handle and you love to play with them.

When you get excited you open your eyes really wide and kick your legs. I can tell when you like a toy this way. You favorite toys are your sassy baby rings, plastic keys, and taggie book. You are now much more interested in them than last month. You handle them very intently, with your delicate expressive hands.

When we visited Grandma Robin in Mariposa they discovered that you can roll over, from front to back! Since then we have been practicing tummy time at home and you roll over several times each day. Getting those muscles toned and strong for crawling.

We got you a new rainforest swing with beautiful sounds and a colorful mobile. You love looking at the mobile and swinging. We also just got the rainforest jumperoo so that you can sit upright and get some exercise. Your toes are so strong and active that this is the perfect activity for you. You bounce up and down and play with all the toys. We thought about a walker, but when we tried it at the store you started scooting yourself backwards and your Dad and I thought you might end up hurting yourself.

You are talking up a storm. Making so many new noises and expressions. After the monkey pigeon owl stage you have expanded your vocabulary and started making baby dinousaur noises. Aaaccchhkkkggghhh, aakkkkgghhhhh, aaaaaaaaaaaaaahkccckkkk. We call you baby pterodactyl. We now have full conversations all day long. You are my little companion.

When I look back at the pictures from your first month I can see how much you have changed. You are getting so big and are almost 5 months old! I can’t wait to see what you will do in the next month.

Monkey Pigeon Owl Aaahh!

When you were 2 months old you started your language development, and started making little noises I can only describe as a mix between a monkey, pigeon, and owl. Throughout the day I would hear coo, hoo, aaaahhhh, ahhhhh, hooo. My favorite was when we were in the car and I would know when you were awake because I would hear a little hooo, hooo. After cooing and hooting like an owl you added an aaahhh sound, and you would open your mouth very wide and make this noise until your voice died out. Aaah, aaaahhhh, ahhhhhhhhhhh. I love all these sounds, they are musical and magical to me. Now that you are nearing 5 months, you still making these noises, especially the aaahh noise. When we put you down for a nap or at night for bedtime, part of the ritual is you talking to yourself for awhile.

Third month milestones

Little mark, mark in a dress, mark’s head on a little baby body.

Clasping hands together and laughing. Also putting your hands up by your face and giving a bashful look.

Making lots of new noises, squeals and high pitched sounds (almost like a baby hawk).

Can see much further distances and can follow people around the room.

Recognized Dinah when she got close and you smiled at her.

Pulled grass for the first time with grandma Janine today, and spending more time sitting outside now that the weather is changing.

Can nearly roll over on your side, you have done it a few times without trying.

Starting to eat really well and gain weight. Drinking 6-8 ounces every 3 to 4 hours. For the last several weeks you weren’t eating very much and I was getting worried. I think it was the low flow bottles we were using. I got new bottles and you are drinking much faster now.

Sleeping one long stretch in the night, 4-6 hours, and then you wake up every 1 and a half to two hours and need the pacifier to calm down.

You are a very happy baby, talking and telling us stories and smiling.

You have started to mimic faces, when someone sticks their tongue out or smiles you do it back.

Also when we bring you in for a kiss you open your mouth very wide, like you are trying to kiss back.

Just the past two days you have started to stick your tongue out a lot. Very cute!

Your favorite toys are your bunny taggie book which you hold and suck on, and the sassy baby rings because they are easy for you to grip. Practically every thing you can grip you try to put in your mouth.

When you are in your crib you like to look at your Freddie the firefly toy and you like your little stuffed pink bear rattle.

You have grown out of most of your 0-3 month clothes, several weeks ago, and are now wearing some of the 6-9 month clothes. The new onesies and socks I bought you are 6-9 months.

At your 2 and a half month doctor visit you measured in the 95^th percentile for height. You are a very tall baby. I can’t wait to see how much you’ve grown at your next visit.

Every comments on how beautiful and delicate your features are. You have little elfin ears.

You love when I sing to you. So far your favorite songs are “Mammy’s gonna back a little shortnin’ bread” and “Baby Love” by the Supremes.

13 weeks, almost 3 months

My dear Ella Mae,

You are 13 weeks old, almost 3 months old. You are my sweet monkey girl with sour milk breath and delicious cheeks. Sometimes it is still like a dream. I am so lucky to have you. Every little thing about you warms my heart. Your long toes that pinch and push at me all day long, your beautiful expressive hands, your monkey noises, your long long legs, your sweet tiny lips, the swirly que spot on the top of your head, your cheesy baby neck, your little flat butt, your bright eyes, and of course your smiling dimples. One of very favorite things is the way you say “Hummm” after you have been fussing and I put a breast or bottle in your mouth. You make a little “Hummm” noise as if to say, “so there!” or “finally, what this really too much too ask?”

Today I held you for 3 hours while you took a nap. You were sleeping hard and talking in your sleep; just talking up a storm with shudders and sighs. You nap much better when you are close to me. People always wonder what you are thinking about or dreaming about while you sleep. I had never really thought about it. You dream about what all babies dream about, and it’s meant to be a mystery. I have this idea that all babies, especially newborns, are in the process of identity and consciousness formation when they sleep. This is why they sleep so much and so heavily; there is much work to be done. I imagine you sitting around a warm fire with a group of wise sage Elders and they are teaching and advising you on living this life. They tell you about your parents and how to best take care of us, and they tell you about what your purpose will be. This newborn life is a sacred time.

Toady you were a pokey eater as usual, but I managed to get you to eat some. You seem to have no patience for breastfeeding at all lately, and start to have a fit when I lay you down in position. I am just following your lead. No matter how many books I read about what you and I should be doing, you are clearly the one in charge and just guide me along.

It’s already hard to remember what it was like being pregnant. I was so anxious during the entire thing that I didn’t think much about what it would be like after you were born. It’s hard to imagine now, how difficult it was towards the end when I could barely walk down the hall to go to the bathroom. I do remember thinking though, that I couldn’t wait to have my own baby because then I could kiss and cuddle, pinch and poke, all I wanted and I never had to give you back. I remember being excited that I could play with your toes all day long and no one could stop me.

I keep thinking back, to the moment you were born, right after, when they laid you in the warmer and were busy cleaning up around me. Your skin looked so soft and dewy, I have never seen anything so velvety. You were beautiful, and you didn’t have that smashed cranky face that most babies have. Your face was perfect with tiny little features and a tiny pointed nose. The first thing I remember saying after I confirmed you were a girl, was “that is a bright white baby” and “she has her Dad’s flat but”. Then I think the next thing I said was, “those are the longest toes I’ve ever seen”. Later on I named them tree-climbing toes; more like fingers than teos. You were wide awake just looking around and you looked just like a little cabbage patch doll. Later the nurse gave you a bath and that was the first time I heard you cry, you didn’t like that water at all. From the moment that I held you and began breastfeeding, you showed us how strong you were. They called you a “power-sucker”, and you just went right after it.

The pictures that your Grandma Janine and Grandpa Mario took of you just a few hours after you were born are some of my most favorites. Your sweet little lips and the perfect roundness of your mouth are just too much. You had the brightest pink flushed cheeks, so full of color. Again you reminded me very much of a cabbage patch doll; especially one that had as a little girl named Dolores Goldie. I remember that your little hands and feet had dry wrinkly skin, which comes from being in the womb. Your grandma was convinced that you were cold and had you wrapped up so tightly, with your little face barely poking out. In some of the pictures you were just staring with interest at my Dad; both of you had the exact same expression on your face.

Being in the hospital was surreal. It was nice in a way because it was like jumping off a high scary cliff and landing in a soft bed of cotton. As new parents we were nervous and not sure what to do, but the nurses buzzed around and came in every two hours to check on us. It’s a sense of security knowing that if I wanted you could go to the nursery and be cared for by the nurses, and if something went wrong they would be right there. The whole time in the hospital I had this sense that our lives together hadn’t really started, not until we got home and settled in. Part of me wanted to stay there in the hospital forever, and a much bigger part of me couldn’t wait to get home with you.

I also think about the first day we came home. I was sitting in bed holding you and you were very sleepy. You had your little head on my shoulder, facing towards me. You looked like a sleepy little bug with tiny pursed lips. I was filled with so much joy over being your momma, so excited that I got to hold you and look at you. Such a little bundle with all your little grunts, yawns, and stretches. I was so afraid to leave you alone for even a second when we first came home. There was one night I remember shuffling down the hallway to go to the bathroom, dragging your bassinet behind me so that I could keep an eye on you every second.

These moments will stay in my heart forever. Much of this I feel I can’t even describe in words. Everything about you, like the way you moved or rested your little hand and the way you kept your arms up around your face when you slept, each of these things were like magic to me. You are my happy thought, Ella Mae.

Fidgety Hands

One of my favorite things observe is your little hands when you are breastfeeding. You poke, prod, knead, pinch, pull, and twist with your fingers and open, close, and roll your little fists all around. You usually have one hand fidgeting on my boob, and the other in your hair or somewhere around your eye. I am frequently afraid that you are going to gouge yourself in the eye. You like to rub your eyes alot, especially when you are tired.

You are such an active and alert baby, and must always be doing some type of activity with your hands and feet.

You already have little nervous habits, just like your mom and grandma . . .

Coos and Conversations

Just two days ago you started to have conversation with us. You make little cooing noises, and then I coo back to you, and then you coo back to me, and so on. We have begun having conversation! This is an important milestone. I expect that you already have a lot to say and you are just dying to communicate. I'm listening Ella Mae!

You have had an interesting few days and I think you are going through a growth spurt. Yesterday you decided not to nap at all. You slept for maybe 15 minutes at a time, if you slept at all. But you weren't cranky at all, you were just awake. I could tell that you were tired though, because your little eyes get red. We went to Office Depot and you kept shaking your head back and forth to keep yourself awake. That is how committed you are sometimes to not sleeping.

When we got home, you eventually passed out in your crib around 11pm and slept until 5am! This is the longest stretch you've slept since you were born. Then you ate 4 ounces and slept for another 3 hours. What special treat for Mom! I actually felt pretty rested this morning.

Today you took only one nap in the afternoon for about 3 hours. You weren't cranky at all thought, and were in a very good mood. You were so good while I was at work, just keeping me company. I love having you there with me.

I can tell that you are eating more and we have switched to the larger Avent bottles. You have also already outgrown some of your 0-3 month clothes. I'm going to have to pack these away soon, you are growing up so fast.

2 months - Growing Big

Lots of new pictures of Ella Mae posted online!

Dear Miss Ella Mae,

You are the keeper of my heart and the light of my soul. Just thought I should let you know.

Sincerely,
Your Proud Momma

This last month began your language development, so in addition to your many types of cries you have begun to grunt, gurgle, coo, couch, and sigh heavily. I love it. The other new thing you are doing is making a kissing, smacking noise by sucking on your lips. I can hear you smacking away in your carseat when we are in the car and it's how I know when you are awake.

You now use your mad cry quite frequently, going from happy to "I'm so mad mom!" in seconds flat. It's usually because I'm not moving fast enough, and I've begun to piss you off. I'm still getting the hang of this mom thing. You have many cranky moments, your Grandma Robn calls these the "Trankies."

We are working towards a routine, of eating, activity, sleeping, and time for Mom! Some days are great and others are harder but you are such a quick learner.

You have been spending more and more time napping and sleeping in your crib. I have to admit that the transition from you sleeping in the bedroom with me and starting to sleep in your own room has been hard for me. I check on you every few hours and miss having you right next to me. You have a favorite blanket and a cd of classical music that set the stage for sleeping. You also like to fall sleep with a light on just like mom.

I really think you needed your own sleeping space. You are a big sleeper like your Mom. Whenever I have you sleeping next to me on the bed I make sure you are carefully situated on some pillows with plenty of room. But, by the time I wake up you are wedged in my armpit, drawn magnetically somehow to my boobs. You seem still while you sleep, but you wiggle and scoot your way all over the place when I'm not looking.

You've had more visits from family and friends including your Aunt Sherry and Uncle Steve and your new friends David and Matt. Kodak moments from these visits can be viewed in your photo gallery.

Your Dad has become quite proficient at calming you, playing with you, feeding you, and changing you. However, he continues to get pooh everywhere when changing your especially ambitious diapers. I haven't checked the ceiling yet, but I have enough to do already. Your favorite thing to do with Dad is watch cartoons. He props you up on your boppy pillow in front of Sponge Bob. Apparently you love this and your are especially fond of Patrick. All of this goes on of course while I am trying to catch up on my sleep and Dad has gotten up at an ungodly hour like 3am and is taking the night shift. All the books say that we should not put you in front of the television because it is way too overstimulating, but I can't be everywhere at once. So, I guess the occasional Sponge Bob, Dora the Explorer, and Jimmy Neutron won't hurt you too much.

You continue to gain in strength and are discovering your hands and toes. You are ahead in your development, doing things that 3 and 4 month olds are doing. I think you will be able to sit up soon. Each day you spend time standing up on my stomach. You have also started to grab at my hair.

You have many nicknames, all of which I will document because they will change sometimes daily. Here are the favorite nicknames at present:
"Tasty Toes"
"Cranky Spanky" (with many variations of this, ie. Spank, Crankin Spank, etc.)
"Goosey" (Your Dad's favorite)
"Chunky Monkey"
"Bright Eyes" (Given by Grandma Janine)
"Ella Schmella"
"CinderElla" (Given by Grandpa Jimmy)

This past month we went to the library and checked out a whole bunch of books to read. You don't really seem interested or have the patience for reading yet. Maybe I'll start reading outloud to you while you nap.

The other new development is that your mom has started working part time and you come with me. This has been quite an adventure and hopefully not too disrupting to your routine. I really want to be working and am enjoying it, but am also sad that it distracts my attention from you. You are mom's little helper and I couldn't do it without you.

Love,
Momma

Little Miss Independent

You love to sit upright and hate to lay on your back, at least most of the time. You prefer to be held most of the time.

You like your swing for a little while and then you get fussy. I have a suspicion that when your Dad puts you in the swing you are much more agreeable then when Mom does it. Rocking and swaying are your favorite motions. You like to sit in the rocking chair and rock really hard.

You also like to be close to Mom in the sling. When we go out of the house for a long errand this is where you are the happiest.

For some reason you do not like your crib at all. You don't even like laying in it. I'll have to figure out why that is.

You like listening to music. So far we have listened to baby lullaby and classical cds, as well as a healing sounds cd.

You really like laying on your changing pad. I think it's because it's higher up, on top of the dresser, and you can see our faces better from that distance.

You sleep in your bassinet very peacefully, but rarely fall asleep on your own unless you are tired. You are getting better with this.

You like the pacifier sometimes, but definitely prefer the real thing! You are a very pokey eater and you like to take your time. You snack and play and then drink and then nap and then you start all over, and it takes a very long time to finish a feeding. Right now you tolerate all my kisses because you think my lips are actually my breats and you are going to get food.

You have the most sensitive skin, breaking out at the slightest thing. When you cry and get yourself really worked up you break out into red splotches all over your face.

You are quite fussy sometimes and are very hungry all the time. Just growing up a storm. I can't ever seem to move fast enough and you get yourself worked up into a royal fit. Your lungs are very strong.

You are awake a very long portion of the day, even though most babies your age are supposed to sleep most of the time. When you are awake, you are so alert, with your bright eyes opened very wide. Your have so many expressions, it's amazing. I think you will probably talk with your hands like your Mom when you get a bit older.

First Month Milestones

Tomorrow you will be 6 weeks old. You are already so strong and independent. I can tell that you will crawl and walk early. You are already able to stand up on my stomach and put your full weight on your legs. All the books say you aren't supposed to do this until 3 or 4 months. I'm still learning your cries and noises. You have begun to make lots of coos, coughs, grunts and gurgles. The sound of your little voice is heaven. It's like no other sound I've ever heard.

You have already had many first experiences and travels. We've been to a movie, bookstores, a community pride event, Mariposa, the river, Delhi, Mommy & Me, and to visit friends many times. Whenever we go out you seem to sleep the best, and I secretly enjoy how much attention you get from people. Everyone remarks how beautiful you are.

Today we went to our first Mommy & Me class and I realized that you are a very long baby! You are going to be tall like your dad. Long legs, arms, fingers and toes. Maybe you will be a runner, just as long as you are not running away from me.

Last week we visited Mariposa and you spent almost the entire time in Grandma's arms. I took many pictures of you so you will remember this day. You also had your very first shower with Grandma & Grandpa helping. You apparently loved it and just soaked your toes in the warm water.

Visit with Grandma Robn

Finally I have some beautiful pictures to post of my mom and Ella. In all the commotion of the birth and settling in at home I realized that I had very few photos of them together. My mom, sister and brother came for a visit last week. We had many adventures together with Ella, including her first trip to Borders Bookstore and her first movie, Evan Almighty.

Here are more pictures with Ella Mae and her family from Mariposa.

Family Resemblance

I love guessing at who you resemble. Each day you change and look a little different. You look very much like your Dad, you have the Holden toes and nose. You also have your Dad's eyes and forehead. The expressions that you make sometimes remind me exactly of him. However, I see a little of me in you, around the eyes, lips, and chin. You also have my cheeks and dimples, on both sides. I remember at your 6 month ultrasound I looked at the profile and said she has her Dad's nose and my lips, and I think I was right! The ultrasound technician said that of course it was impossible to tell that from the picture. A mother just knows these things.

6 Month Ultrasound Picture

3 weeks old - A rare beauty

Every day you grow and change. This week I have begun to see a little more of me in you. Now you are starting to look like both of us. It's amazing how much you have changed already in such a short time. I am eager to know what you eye color will finally be. There is some dark blue there, and some gray, and sometimes some brown. We'll have to see. You are already so gorgeous that I think taking you out around other babies will make them insecure because they are not as beautiful as you! I have so many favorites pictures of you that I am tempted to plaster the walls of our house and make Ella wallpaper. I just might do it. This picture of you sleeping makes my heart leap. Watching you smile in your sleep brings joy to my heart and soul.

Fingers & Toes

I have created a new flickr album with only pictures of Ella Mae's fingers and toes. I love it! When I was in high school I read Beloved by Toni Morrison. There is a part that talks about how a mother can always recognize the hands of her baby; they are unique and unforgettable. I always remembered this for some reason, and have thought about it often over the years. Now every time I look at Ella's hands I think of this, and commit each tiny detail to memory.

First trip to Grandma Robn's

We made our first long car trip to visit my mom in Mariposa. Ella did great in the car and didn't get too fussy. Traveling with a baby is a bit hard, especially when I can't see how she is doing the whole time in the carseat. Ella met her aunt Tana and uncle Tim and her great grandmother sylvia. We also tried to get in the pool, which made Ella very unhappy. It was too cold for her toes. She looked so cute in her little swimsuit and hat, though.

Proud new grandparents

I love watching my parents be grandparents. I'm suprised and delighted at how involved they want to be. I didn't realize they were so anxiously awaiting grandbabies.

Here is a link to my favorites pictures from the hospital that my Dad and Janine took.

So much love

I didn't realize how much I wanted you until you were here. The very first time I held you I was filled with so much joy. I am happy, I think possibly for the first time in my life I am truly happy. I was nervous and anxious for you to come into the world. I had concerns that something would go wrong, and that perhaps for some reason I would not be able to have you. Once you were born my heart broke into a million pieces and I felt so much love flood into me that it hurt; it took my breath away. When we first came home from the hospital I was so overwhelmed by these emotions that I would have several crying spells a day. I would look at you and think, "Is this really true? Is she mine to keep? Do I get to have her forever?". Every time I woke up from a nap and looked over at you sleeping this realization would come again and again. I feel so blessed. Armed with this new feeling of being a parent, I suddenly understood all at once exactly how my parents feel about me. This realization was good soul medicine and healed a lot of old hurts and doubts that I have been carrying around with me. I think this is something I just couldn't understand until I experienced it for myself. I always have been this way though, I have to do for myself before I believe.

When we came home from the hospital and started settling into our lives with you, I felt very strongly that for the first time in my life I am exactly where I want to be. I love my family, my home, my pets, everything.

"In Each Other"

The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you,
not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,
they're in each other all along.

Poem by Rumi