I didn't realize how much I wanted you until you were here. The very first time I held you I was filled with so much joy. I am happy, I think possibly for the first time in my life I am truly happy. I was nervous and anxious for you to come into the world. I had concerns that something would go wrong, and that perhaps for some reason I would not be able to have you. Once you were born my heart broke into a million pieces and I felt so much love flood into me that it hurt; it took my breath away. When we first came home from the hospital I was so overwhelmed by these emotions that I would have several crying spells a day. I would look at you and think, "Is this really true? Is she mine to keep? Do I get to have her forever?". Every time I woke up from a nap and looked over at you sleeping this realization would come again and again. I feel so blessed. Armed with this new feeling of being a parent, I suddenly understood all at once exactly how my parents feel about me. This realization was good soul medicine and healed a lot of old hurts and doubts that I have been carrying around with me. I think this is something I just couldn't understand until I experienced it for myself. I always have been this way though, I have to do for myself before I believe.
When we came home from the hospital and started settling into our lives with you, I felt very strongly that for the first time in my life I am exactly where I want to be. I love my family, my home, my pets, everything.
"In Each Other"
The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you,
not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,
they're in each other all along.
Poem by Rumi
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