Family Resemblance

I love guessing at who you resemble. Each day you change and look a little different. You look very much like your Dad, you have the Holden toes and nose. You also have your Dad's eyes and forehead. The expressions that you make sometimes remind me exactly of him. However, I see a little of me in you, around the eyes, lips, and chin. You also have my cheeks and dimples, on both sides. I remember at your 6 month ultrasound I looked at the profile and said she has her Dad's nose and my lips, and I think I was right! The ultrasound technician said that of course it was impossible to tell that from the picture. A mother just knows these things.

6 Month Ultrasound Picture

3 weeks old - A rare beauty

Every day you grow and change. This week I have begun to see a little more of me in you. Now you are starting to look like both of us. It's amazing how much you have changed already in such a short time. I am eager to know what you eye color will finally be. There is some dark blue there, and some gray, and sometimes some brown. We'll have to see. You are already so gorgeous that I think taking you out around other babies will make them insecure because they are not as beautiful as you! I have so many favorites pictures of you that I am tempted to plaster the walls of our house and make Ella wallpaper. I just might do it. This picture of you sleeping makes my heart leap. Watching you smile in your sleep brings joy to my heart and soul.

Fingers & Toes

I have created a new flickr album with only pictures of Ella Mae's fingers and toes. I love it! When I was in high school I read Beloved by Toni Morrison. There is a part that talks about how a mother can always recognize the hands of her baby; they are unique and unforgettable. I always remembered this for some reason, and have thought about it often over the years. Now every time I look at Ella's hands I think of this, and commit each tiny detail to memory.

First trip to Grandma Robn's

We made our first long car trip to visit my mom in Mariposa. Ella did great in the car and didn't get too fussy. Traveling with a baby is a bit hard, especially when I can't see how she is doing the whole time in the carseat. Ella met her aunt Tana and uncle Tim and her great grandmother sylvia. We also tried to get in the pool, which made Ella very unhappy. It was too cold for her toes. She looked so cute in her little swimsuit and hat, though.

Proud new grandparents

I love watching my parents be grandparents. I'm suprised and delighted at how involved they want to be. I didn't realize they were so anxiously awaiting grandbabies.

Here is a link to my favorites pictures from the hospital that my Dad and Janine took.

So much love

I didn't realize how much I wanted you until you were here. The very first time I held you I was filled with so much joy. I am happy, I think possibly for the first time in my life I am truly happy. I was nervous and anxious for you to come into the world. I had concerns that something would go wrong, and that perhaps for some reason I would not be able to have you. Once you were born my heart broke into a million pieces and I felt so much love flood into me that it hurt; it took my breath away. When we first came home from the hospital I was so overwhelmed by these emotions that I would have several crying spells a day. I would look at you and think, "Is this really true? Is she mine to keep? Do I get to have her forever?". Every time I woke up from a nap and looked over at you sleeping this realization would come again and again. I feel so blessed. Armed with this new feeling of being a parent, I suddenly understood all at once exactly how my parents feel about me. This realization was good soul medicine and healed a lot of old hurts and doubts that I have been carrying around with me. I think this is something I just couldn't understand until I experienced it for myself. I always have been this way though, I have to do for myself before I believe.

When we came home from the hospital and started settling into our lives with you, I felt very strongly that for the first time in my life I am exactly where I want to be. I love my family, my home, my pets, everything.

"In Each Other"

The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you,
not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere,
they're in each other all along.

Poem by Rumi